What a great idea, I'm glad I thought of it.

We all need a laugh every now and then. Personally I like to laugh, a lot. I have a very loud laugh but, in comparison to others, at least mine is real. I can't fake a laugh. I can fake a smile but my friends and family can see right through the toothy grin to the sarcasm underneath. The strange thing is that I don't really get jokes. My sense of humor tends to be darker and more sarcastic than the normal joke can deliver. A few things can really tickle my funny bone though.

1. Computer users who forget their password, everyday. The funny part is that the password is either their kids names or their own first name and I have to remind them of that.
2. Scifi "Darth" humor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAL7w2ybTfQ
3. Animal antics - the cute fuzzy kind, like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIqhUCZgwXQ
4. The government sending me my refund when I know I forgot to sign it before I mailed it in.
5. My husband taking my new truck on a golf trip with his buddies while I get to drive his piece of crap pickup. haha, funny, poke my eye with a stick funny, but still has a dark twist that I appreciate funny
6. Telling telemarketers that "I'm sorry, I'm not here right now" and hanging up.

Here are a couple ideas that I'm going to start doing for fun:

When you get ads in your phone or utility bill, why not include them with the payment? Let THEM throw the stuff away.

When you get those pre-approved letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and junk like that, most of them come with postage paid return envelopes, right? Well, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little envelopes! Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express, or a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their application back... blank! Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting all their junk back in the mail. Let's let them know what it's like to get junk mail, and best of all...THEY'RE paying for it! Twice!

Global Ignorance & Bad TV

I don't know if it is a characteristic of my generation but I feel globally ignorant most of the time. I'm not intentionally ignorant, I have an education, and the student loans to prove it. I'm not sheltered, my family is very vocal and open minded about the world but there is so much crap that I have a tough time wading through it all. What to believe? I wonder if there is an "Idiot's guide to current events" or "Political Propaganda for Dummies".

It's a scary world, getting scarier as the "information age" shows us what it like to be in a "war", up close and personal. Can you imagine what the world would be like today if we had news correspondents trekking through Vietnam, reporting on all the horror and death? Would the world be the same? I don't think so. Reality seems to have a devastating effect on the overall happy factor of the general population. They would rather watch Survivor (as if you can really not "survive" on that show) or American Idol where the general populace can vote on the next teenager to influence the younger generation, at least until the next season. In my humble opinion it is all poppy cock, crapolla, just plain trash.

I don't know what to watch or what to believe anymore. I've taken to reading the European newspapers more than our own American bred propaganda. Anything is available on the internet, in some freaky instances, a little too much of "everything" if you ask me. TV sucks, newspapers are lacking the "real" story and music has more sex education in it than my high school class did. What a wonderful world.

Vista Play by Play

Installing Windows Vista – Business Edition:

This is actually my second installation of Vista. The first one I did on my home laptop last night and I installed Vista Ultimate. The experience was so much fun that I thought I would do it again and this time write a Blog about it. I don't really know why other than "because I can" and I'm a geek.

The PC I'm upgrading is a Dell (yeah, don't go there) E520, 3.0ghz with 1.5gb of Ram (for those other geeks who may care).

Ok, Time is 10:45am, lets go:

Boot computer and log in as Administrator (as long as you have administrative rights you will be fine just logging in as yourself, if you have to log in at all, and if you know what administrative right are at all) - check

Turn off virus protection (huh? Pesky installation files resemble viruses so your virus protection software will have a fit if it is on)… yup – check

Make sure your internet connection is active (see below for reason) – check

Insert CD/DVD for Vista – check

Click on Upgrade (screw that "check compatibility" stuff, bring it on!) – check

Hmm… First screen wants to know if I want to connect to the internet to download installation updates……to go online for latest updates or not…. Well… the description for the "Do not get updates" option sounds scary… "Without these updates, installation might fail and your computer could be more vulnerable to security threats".. OK, I can deal with that since I am a Tech Goddess but I'll let it get the updates anyway, can't hurt

Wait, should I check off the box that says "I want to help make Windows installation better"? … naaa live dangerously and let them fix it themselves – no check

Click on "Go online to get latest updates for installation" – check…

Now it is searching for installation updates……

Ouuuuu, my first error message:

Windows setup was unable to download update files at this time… blah blah blah, Click OK, I'll deal with this later – check

Type your product key for activation… hmmmm…. No, I don't want to. I'll take off the check mark for "Automatically activate Windows when I'm online" too because if I don't like the software, I want to be able to remove it and use the product key on another machine at another time. I don't want Microsoft to see that the key has already been used. I have that right and that ability. Click Next – check

Haha Microsoft isn't happy that I didn't put in the product key… "Do you want to enter your product key now? If you choose not to enter the product key now, you might need to reinstall Windows later and potentially lose data, information and programs or you might need to purchase another edition of Windows Vista" ouuuu scare tactics. I'm still going to click NO! Take THAT Bill! – check

"Select the edition of Windows that you purchased". This is probably the important part since the version is related to the product key. I'll choose the Business version since that is what I'm installing right now. I also have to check off a box at the bottom of the window that says "I have selected the edition of Windows that I purchased." Why? I don't know, probably some legal crap. There are some other scare tactics about the product key but all I hear in my head when I read it is blah blah blah. Click Next – check.

License terms… how many people really read it? Click "I accept" and click next – check

"What type of installation?" Two options, Upgrade or Customize. Well, I want to save my programs and files and I only want to have 1 operating system on my computer so I'm going to upgrade. If I choose the Custom install I can have both XP and Vista on my PC or I can wipe my system clean and install Vista (lose all other programs and files) but I don't need the hassle. Click Upgrade – check.

Here's the good stuff now… Compatibility check. Of course there are some "Potential issues" So I'll "Click here for more information"

Well, it lists some software programs that "might not work". If I was really concerned about any of those programs I would exit out of the installation and contact the software company in question and see if there are any patches or new versions I may need for Vista. Since I don't really care about what is listed, I'm going to click Next to continue – check

Now its "upgrading". The window tells me that "your upgrade may take several hours to complete" great… There are 5 stages to complete:

Copying Windows files – started at 11:03am - finished at 11:06am – not bad

Getting files – Started at 11:06am – Finished at 11:12am – I'm not sure what the difference is between "copying files" and "getting files" but whatever, it was quick.

Expanding files - Started at 11:12am…. 11:13am The computer just restarted itself… DO NOT TOUCH THE COMPUTER. Just let the computer reboot on its own, it will go back into the installation when it's done. Ignore it… look away…. go do the dishes or something. Ok 11:14am and we are back to Expanding files (21%)… Finished 11:21am

Installing features and updates – Started 11:21am – Finished 11:21am… yup, less than a minute. That's probably because we don't have any Updates since we couldn't get them at the beginning of the installation

Completing upgrade – Started 11:21am..11:23am The computer just restarted itself… DO NOT TOUCH THE COMPUTER. Just let the computer reboot on it's own, it will go back into the installation when it's done. Ignore it… look away…. go do the laundry since the dishes are done already. 11:23am Ouuuuu "please wait a moment while windows prepares to start for the first time" message ….. lots of little white dots going across the screen. False hope, 11:25am, back to the installation screen. 11:28am brief blank screen but it went back to the install screen quickly. 11:41am Computer restarted itself again. 11:42am back to installation (64%).. I gotta pee, hurry up! 11:46am Another reboot. 11:48am finished rebooting and now I am at a different "setup windows" screen.

"Help protect windows automatically"…. Usually I don't like to let anything upgrade or check on-line for stuff without me initiating the download myself. Just the control freak in me. For this reason I am not going to use "recommended settings" which would "install updates, help make internet browsing safer and check online for solutions to problems". I can either "Install important updates only" or click on "Ask me later". For now, I will click on Ask me later… I really have to pee. Click next - check

"Time zone and date settings"… everything looks good click next – check

"Choose computers current location… Home, Work or Public". Since Public will put restrictions on my system I'll choose Work. I don’t really know what the difference between Home and Work are and I don't think it matters too much anyway. Work – check

11:55am A nice Thank You message, how sweet. Click Start – check

Psychedelic colors, very pretty subtle greens and blues.. I feel the calm settle over me already… aaaahhhhuuuummmmmmmm….. aaaaaaaahhhuuuuuummmmm…….. (snore) ... please wait while we check you systems performance

Strange screens flash across telling you all about how awesome Vista is. You can "turn everyday moments in to lifetime memories" or "Connect, play, have fun" or have "The power to find everything"… hey I lost an earring last week…. You think? I also have a "more secure environment" and "getting it done just got more fun" or "connect and communicate like never before" or "turn everyday…" wait, repeat window, how lame. Now I have a blank screen…. Ok it is Preparing your (my) desktop 12:01am…

12:02am I have a DESKTOP!

The Windows Welcome Center has opened and I can now begin to play with Vista and test my software.

Note: No animals were harmed in this installation of Windows Vista. Can't say the same for the guys I work with.

Perpetually Happy People

Some people really should be shot. There are a few that are so perpetually happy I have to wonder what the real story is. Are they really evil and hide it from the world with a shiny smile or are they pumped up on drugs, serious drugs like caffeine? I always try to smile (it confuses people) but there are days when if would like to shoot elephant tranquilizer darts out of my eyeballs if anyone dares to get in my way. The mood doesn't last long and it can be enjoyable to see people running away from me but after a while I just have to breathe deep and realize it really doesn't matter. Whatever "it" may be. I need to find good in all that is aggravating me, maybe I'll smile for the rest of the day.

Today, "it" seems to be a few things:

Bad / Good
Cold Rain - Yuck, burrrr / Happy spring flowers, soon!
Rechargeable batteries not charging in mouse / Excuse to buy new mouse
3 weeks of dealing with 1 stupid user's whining / Gave him the "look" (see above)
So frustrated I'm not hungry / Need to lose a couple anyway
Management not able to make a decision / Less for me to work on
Home furnace not working right / Haven't found a good one for this yet.
Everyone around me is sick / I'm not... yet

Well, I'm still cranky, it's still raining and I still don't trust our furnace to deliver heat and hot water when I get home. My husband seems to be OK with it though. Men. (Just think honey, I can blog about all the things that you do that aggravate me! I feel better already! Just kidding.... big smile) :D

Ebay induced laughter

I've gotta laugh at some of the stuff I see on eBay. I deal with eBay for a lot of work stuff but also some personal things. For the most part, it's a bunch of crap that other people are trying to pawn off on the gullible society that we are. Some, but very few, of the items are worth the cost and hassle, depending on what you're looking for. There are some areas that you can go that should be X-rated (the pictures anyway) and tossed into some searches are the odd ball things that make me giggle.

For example:
One guy is selling a box of his ex-girlfriends things. Stuff like shoes, shirts, Cds and what looks like a pocketbook. According to his listing, his current girlfriend is mad that this stuff is still around and he doesn't want to lose her because she "cooks for him and brings him beer".

There's a listing for "Lazy Mexican kids make $100 and hour". I'm afraid to click on it.

An Empty bottle of Grand Marnier "drunk by two gold diggers", picture is of two blonds rubbing each other's breasts, is for sale and currently going for $4.25.

Two "real" buffalo heads, mounted together are currently going for $520, yes, people are actually bidding on it.

Some guy is selling his "Ding Dong" and some chick is selling her "Booty". A Bigfoot foot casting, "the" spear that pierced Christ (someones gonna burn for that one), A Kangaroo Scrotum purse (eewww) and some guy is trying to sell his Mother-In-Law (his 3rd attempt).

Another good one, a "Cheat lock Male chastity belt with guard and rear shield" hehehehehehehe, "rear shield", hehehe.

Atkins lover bacon designed bandaids, with free toy! Yes, the bandaids really do look like bacon. I wonder if you lick them... never mind, I really don't want to know, nor do I want to know what the "free toy" is.

This is just a sample of what is currently listing. I've heard stories about a guy who sold his soul and the guy who bought it because he thought it would be funny to own someones soul. The best one I saw was listing a few years ago. It was a guy selling his ex-wife's wedding dress. He didn't have many women friends to model it for him, so he modeled it himself, complete with shaved head and wicked tattoos on his arms. He wanted to sell it to make enough money to have a burger and some beers with his friends. He figured it would piss off his ex-father-in-law too, extra bonus. He did end up selling the dress for about $1500 which goes to show you, girls, never leave your dress behind!

I wonder if I can sell my collection of old smelly shoes? Size 9 anyone?

Hmmmmmm

Well, this should be interesting. My first Blog. Hmmmmm, what to write? So many things to rant about but so little time to waste doing it. Why bother ranting when I can just ignore the idiots and get on with my job/life? Are they worth ranting about? No. Will I feel better for lambasting them in a blog? Maybe... well, yeah I would.

First Rant: Management

Why have a Network Administrator/IT manager if you are not going to listen to her anyway? Why ask me to go to a meeting if you don't want my opinion? Why the hell should I get out of my warm bed to drag my butt work for 7am if you are going to ignore my recommendations and tell me that I don't know what the big picture is? Well, if your Network Manager doesn't know what the long term plans are, because they are top secret, how can the company expect to get the big picture? Flipping burgers at McDs is looking appealing more each day. I have to practice my "Want fries with that"?

My one saving grace is that my immediate boss is great. He understands, somewhat. He's a CFO so doesn't understand all the technical stuff but he lets me do my job with only minimal harassment and torture.

I do get a kick out of my job. The users are very entertaining, most of the time. Their little idiosyncrasies keep me laughing (usually I try to wait until AFTER I've gotten off the phone with them). I do love what I do. The potential for reckless abuse of power is very attractive to geeks like me. In the end, I only want to help, and feel good for doing it. Not much to ask for right?

Well, that's it for my first Blog. Kinda reminds me of my old diary. I type faster than I can write anyway so this may work out ok. After a couple glasses of wine, this should get REALLY interesting. :)