BITCHOLOGY
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,
they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love,
they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch
means I won't compromise what's in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am
defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I 'should' be...
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, just try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch ,so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Random Thoughts...
Random thoughts ...
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but is more interesting and also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-That's enough, Nickelback.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothas and sistas!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new guy, I'm terrified of mentioning something he hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocketbook, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-My 9-year old niece asked me in the car the other day "Aunty what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with alcohol than Kay.
-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but is more interesting and also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-That's enough, Nickelback.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothas and sistas!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new guy, I'm terrified of mentioning something he hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocketbook, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-My 9-year old niece asked me in the car the other day "Aunty what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with alcohol than Kay.
-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
To Live Life
Well, it's been a long time since I rambled. Let's see what spews out...
Lets start with the biggest thing on my mind.... What the hell did I do wrong to have three of my grandparents die in 6 weeks? What the Fuck. Karma being a philosophy or aspect of religion that has interested me for years, totally shitting on me, and more importantly, my family, totally sucks. I feel physically and mentally wounded. Not just for myself, that is a whole other aspect of grief that I'm dealing with. Right now, my biggest wound is for my mother. She has just lost both of her parents. Mother in January and Father just last week. I can't imagine her mind set right now. Honestly, I don't want to either. My loss is different, being granddaughter not daughter but still...
I'll start with my Grandma Cornicelli. She fell going to get the mail. How sucky is that? Come on. 90 years old in January, shrinking each time I saw her but a little dynamite. Going to get the mail. Fell. Neighbor saw her and called 911. I always figured she would out live me for some reason. It was just her personality. She would tell you that she was dying tomorrow 'cause of her weak heart but she still lived alone and had family over for dinner every Sunday. Old School Italian Family (from my brothers side) :) Love ya bro.
Grandma Cornicelli died in February. I'm still digesting the true impact of the loss for me and my brother. It has taken a back seat to some extent. Sure to come out later in some random act of violence or drug abuse.... just kidding folks... come on... really, we all deal in our own way... I'm thinking humor people... Ok, fill my wine glass and lets continue... :)
We all have to deal with the loss and move on. At some point the moving on part will include thinking about holidays, past and present, and not crying. Looking at photos you forgot you had and seeing things you didn't remember seeing the last time you looked at that picture. A song that has words you now understand and actually pay attention to now. The quick flashes of memory that pop up at the most unexpected times and make you cry when browsing the cat food isle at Wal-Mart (mom). It must have a purpose. They say we must brave and survive the pain of death to appreciate life. I understand that now but still... what the fuck...
I once found that loving someone made you see life in different colors. It was that first moment that I realized that Love is a freeing and life changing emotion. Death seems to have that same effect. I see things I didn't see before. I have more time to contemplate the subtle aspects of a moment than I never even bothered to think about before, or take the time for, before. Before I realized how much I loved my grandparents and now, I have to deal with the grief and the anger of that loss.
I'm a tough nut. I know that. The people who know me, and still love me, know that. Those that don't still love me because of that, don't concern me any longer. Life, and love, are both too short. The few that see past the hard shell and accept me for who I am are my true blessings in life.
My husband worries about me and the fact that I haven't really cried it out yet (he's one of those blessing things). I'm not sure I know how to. And to tell you the truth I'm going to blame it all on Harloquin romance novels. Yeah, I read too many books as a teenager. Most of them (but definitely not all) were romance novels that had tough chicks who hid their emotions and the men who, in the end, always saw through the tough exterior to the soft wounded woman beneath. Oh My God. That is totally it! Well I can't stand a weak chick character in a novel now. The stronger and more independent woman character, the better. Just don't go into the dark alley in 3 inch heels and no weapon because you heard a kitten cry, unless you got some kick ass skills. Really. Give me a fucking break.
My Grandma (Sowers) (passed away in January) was a woman who I would want next to me in that dark alley. She would totally kick major bad guy ass and tell them how to make an awesome potato salad while she was at it. She was 6 foot plus (so no 3 inch heels for her) and more than just my Grandmother and a mother. She was a humanitarian, an animal lover and supporter, a devoted lover of mother earth, a dedicated wife and amazonian behemoth of love and support to all that knew and loved her. If she had a thought, you knew what it was. If she didn't like you, you knew and you knew why so you could fix it. A woman of openmindedness and joy. Life was a daily experience and you dealt with it or got off the pot. She also could teach you swear words in Swedish and liked to use the English version of them herself, while still remaining a lady.
While I will deeply miss my Grandma, I will also deeply miss Grandpa. We all knew he would go, if grandma went. Mistakenly we gave him 6 months. It was only 6 weeks. As the major manly figure in my life growing up, grandpa scared the crap out of me for many years. Not in a bad way. He was, and truly accepted the roll of disciplinarian in my life. And boy did I need one (right mom?). Gramps was the solid wall of warmth and love that I could always crawl up on and fall asleep on, knowing I was safe. He lectured me about respecting elders and my duties as a child while looking at me with love. When I was growing up, my mom and I lived with my grandparents for a while. I was not an easy child to keep entertained, especially for my grandparents. I wanted to take everything apart and figure out how it worked. My grandma would take advantage of this by giving me things that were broken, figuring that I wouldn't do more damage than was already done. It wasn't until I started fixing the broken things that Grandpa would trust me with his tools. Then he gave me a hammer and some nails.
He took me to the driveway and showed me the fence that ran along the neighbors yard. It had a lot of missing boards an pieces of boards. Then he showed me the pile of missing pieces and told me to put the fence back together. It took me days but I pieced each board back together and nailed them on with the hammer and nails. It was my first major construction project and I was only about 6 or 7. I still remember his face when he saw the fence completed. I saw how proud he was of me. He didn't say much, ever. It wasn't until 10 years ago that he told me he loved me for Christ sake. (yeah yeah, blasphemy, whatever... bring it on...) Gramps was the quiet, strong, grumpy, silent, conservative, cuddly, lovable man who could whistle like a bird and laugh like Santa on Christmas night. I'll miss him. I'm also going to have to forgive him for giving up on life when my mom needed him so much.
Grandma's death was hard enough but a cruel blessing in it's own way. She was sick and in pain for a while. I can accept the loss with the knowledge of peace for her, and us. Gramps was down hill all the way, one stumbling block after another, through Grandma's death and more. Mentally he gave up the ghost (whatever that means). I realized, today, that I'm angry at him for that. I also realize that it is part of the grieving process so I need to get over it. OK. I'm good with that.
All kidding aside, here begins the purge and spewing of thoughts...
hmmmmm.......I have nothing more... maybe next time...
Lets start with the biggest thing on my mind.... What the hell did I do wrong to have three of my grandparents die in 6 weeks? What the Fuck. Karma being a philosophy or aspect of religion that has interested me for years, totally shitting on me, and more importantly, my family, totally sucks. I feel physically and mentally wounded. Not just for myself, that is a whole other aspect of grief that I'm dealing with. Right now, my biggest wound is for my mother. She has just lost both of her parents. Mother in January and Father just last week. I can't imagine her mind set right now. Honestly, I don't want to either. My loss is different, being granddaughter not daughter but still...
I'll start with my Grandma Cornicelli. She fell going to get the mail. How sucky is that? Come on. 90 years old in January, shrinking each time I saw her but a little dynamite. Going to get the mail. Fell. Neighbor saw her and called 911. I always figured she would out live me for some reason. It was just her personality. She would tell you that she was dying tomorrow 'cause of her weak heart but she still lived alone and had family over for dinner every Sunday. Old School Italian Family (from my brothers side) :) Love ya bro.
Grandma Cornicelli died in February. I'm still digesting the true impact of the loss for me and my brother. It has taken a back seat to some extent. Sure to come out later in some random act of violence or drug abuse.... just kidding folks... come on... really, we all deal in our own way... I'm thinking humor people... Ok, fill my wine glass and lets continue... :)
We all have to deal with the loss and move on. At some point the moving on part will include thinking about holidays, past and present, and not crying. Looking at photos you forgot you had and seeing things you didn't remember seeing the last time you looked at that picture. A song that has words you now understand and actually pay attention to now. The quick flashes of memory that pop up at the most unexpected times and make you cry when browsing the cat food isle at Wal-Mart (mom). It must have a purpose. They say we must brave and survive the pain of death to appreciate life. I understand that now but still... what the fuck...
I once found that loving someone made you see life in different colors. It was that first moment that I realized that Love is a freeing and life changing emotion. Death seems to have that same effect. I see things I didn't see before. I have more time to contemplate the subtle aspects of a moment than I never even bothered to think about before, or take the time for, before. Before I realized how much I loved my grandparents and now, I have to deal with the grief and the anger of that loss.
I'm a tough nut. I know that. The people who know me, and still love me, know that. Those that don't still love me because of that, don't concern me any longer. Life, and love, are both too short. The few that see past the hard shell and accept me for who I am are my true blessings in life.
My husband worries about me and the fact that I haven't really cried it out yet (he's one of those blessing things). I'm not sure I know how to. And to tell you the truth I'm going to blame it all on Harloquin romance novels. Yeah, I read too many books as a teenager. Most of them (but definitely not all) were romance novels that had tough chicks who hid their emotions and the men who, in the end, always saw through the tough exterior to the soft wounded woman beneath. Oh My God. That is totally it!
My Grandma (Sowers) (passed away in January) was a woman who I would want next to me in that dark alley. She would totally kick major bad guy ass and tell them how to make an awesome potato salad while she was at it. She was 6 foot plus (so no 3 inch heels for her) and more than just my Grandmother and a mother. She was a humanitarian, an animal lover and supporter, a devoted lover of mother earth, a dedicated wife and amazonian behemoth of love and support to all that knew and loved her. If she had a thought, you knew what it was. If she didn't like you, you knew and you knew why so you could fix it. A woman of openmindedness and joy. Life was a daily experience and you dealt with it or got off the pot. She also could teach you swear words in Swedish and liked to use the English version of them herself, while still remaining a lady.
While I will deeply miss my Grandma, I will also deeply miss Grandpa. We all knew he would go, if grandma went. Mistakenly we gave him 6 months. It was only 6 weeks. As the major manly figure in my life growing up, grandpa scared the crap out of me for many years. Not in a bad way. He was, and truly accepted the roll of disciplinarian in my life. And boy did I need one (right mom?). Gramps was the solid wall of warmth and love that I could always crawl up on and fall asleep on, knowing I was safe. He lectured me about respecting elders and my duties as a child while looking at me with love. When I was growing up, my mom and I lived with my grandparents for a while. I was not an easy child to keep entertained, especially for my grandparents. I wanted to take everything apart and figure out how it worked. My grandma would take advantage of this by giving me things that were broken, figuring that I wouldn't do more damage than was already done. It wasn't until I started fixing the broken things that Grandpa would trust me with his tools. Then he gave me a hammer and some nails.
He took me to the driveway and showed me the fence that ran along the neighbors yard. It had a lot of missing boards an pieces of boards. Then he showed me the pile of missing pieces and told me to put the fence back together. It took me days but I pieced each board back together and nailed them on with the hammer and nails. It was my first major construction project and I was only about 6 or 7. I still remember his face when he saw the fence completed. I saw how proud he was of me. He didn't say much, ever. It wasn't until 10 years ago that he told me he loved me for Christ sake. (yeah yeah, blasphemy, whatever... bring it on...) Gramps was the quiet, strong, grumpy, silent, conservative, cuddly, lovable man who could whistle like a bird and laugh like Santa on Christmas night. I'll miss him. I'm also going to have to forgive him for giving up on life when my mom needed him so much.
Grandma's death was hard enough but a cruel blessing in it's own way. She was sick and in pain for a while. I can accept the loss with the knowledge of peace for her, and us. Gramps was down hill all the way, one stumbling block after another, through Grandma's death and more. Mentally he gave up the ghost (whatever that means). I realized, today, that I'm angry at him for that. I also realize that it is part of the grieving process so I need to get over it. OK. I'm good with that.
All kidding aside, here begins the purge and spewing of thoughts...
hmmmmm.......I have nothing more... maybe next time...
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The journey of life...
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
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