How many people would you kill if you could, legally? For me, the number is small but each one would have a good reason behind it, at least for me. The repercussions are what hold me back from getting an actual firearm (quick and clean). I'm not talking jail time. Granted that is a deterrent but the emotional repercussions for me and others (sadly enough) are what really make me resist the urge.
There would be a point where it would be too easy and simple things like cutting me off in a line to get my dunkin donuts coffee could result in a blood bath. That being said (and marked for reference by our government) I'm sure a part of me would regret my actions. I jest, about the killing part. Well, the random killing part. There are definite reasons to take a life. Danger to oneself and to loved ones by a malicious villain intent on harm, Heroic action for the sake of others even Service to your country (don't get me on that subject just yet). I'm sure I could come up with other instances where taking a life is reasonable and even condoned by authorities. For me, it seem like the emotional impact is the punishment for the crime, more than the incarceration (if caught).
I considered the murderous intent that I am currently enthralled in to be a reflex of anger and even rage. I guess I'm just the kind of person that, given enough time, I will find the sanity to rethink my instinct to cause harm to another for the simple fact that I would really feel bad when all was said and done. Incarceration would not matter. My guilt is more powerful than a threat of a tiny cell and cellmates that find my ass irresistible. I still think that I would find great pleasure in giving a certain individual, who will remain anonymous, the scare of their life. (Insert evil laugh here).
People suck.
In general, I hope to believe in the innate goodness of humanity but the longer I live on this planet I find that belief tested in many ways. Too many ways. Everyone seems to be out for themselves, even if they don't know what that means, nor do the understand or care what it means for others. Again, here is my deterrent for a massive killing spree. I do understand what my actions do to others and I care. Silly me.
Should I throw away the morals and ethics that my conscience has always run a spell check on? Or maybe, I should say.... Fuck it, like so many other people do? In the end, I have to live with myself, no one else does. I guess I'll put aside the handgun registration form (good law) and give myself a few days to calm down and maybe, somehow (without a religious context) find the ability to forgive if not forget.
