Monday, December 9, 2024

Rage Tears

  

I apologize to my mother if you see this before I find the energy to tell you about it. You will hate this post but will understand at the same time. Just know that you are one of the reasons I got past this kind of BS in my life... and why I will again... #Strongwomen

Over the years I've accepted that who I am is a reaction to what I've lived through and some of it just sucked. While I may not have realized it at the time, that it sucked, I can look back and say... oh, wow, yeah I dealt with that and I'm doing ok but just, damn.

At 52 I can say I've lived the 80s child life of what most, now a days, would consider neglect and abuse but I see as, Hell yeah, I am an 80 kid and survived. What have you done with your life?

My mom would tell me "Come in when the streetlights turn on" and trust I would survive.

No cell phones if your car broke down. Walk to a stranger's house and ask to come in to use their phone. Oh yeah, did that, multiple times... and survived.

Some things I think back to now are because I've found a situation in my life that is making me flash back to the days I started working in "a man's world". How much of that made me who I am and how I deal with situations and people.

At the time I was 25, it was 1995 (yeah, I already said I was 52 so now you don't need to do math, you're welcome). I started as the PC Coordinator for a manufacturing plant. I had a great boss/mentor, but the company was very Mad Men in some ways. The dress code required that I wear a skirt. 'nuf said?

My job as PC Coordinator was basically the computer tech where I ran wires, setup computers, trained users and worked with the maintenance department to get cables run and such. I will tell you right now I had more respect for and from the men in the Maintenance dept than I did from most of the white collar jack asses that found it funny a woman was in a skirt and crawling under desks to run cables...

One instance changed things. I needed to run a wire behind an upper manager/VP level guys desk which meant he had to move away from his desk. He pushed back in his chair and sat there. I was 25, 5' 9" and fit, in a skirt and heels on my hand and knees crawling under his desk while he watched, from his chair. Ok, fine I've dealt with worse (for a later day blog).

Next thing I hear is the owner of the company, Mr. Kenney (80 year old grandpa figure of a guy)...

Mr. Kenney: "Uh, Stephanie, what are you doing under there?"

Me: I crawled out from under the desk and turned to face him, with the guy still sitting in his chair watching me. "Oh, Hi Mr. Kenney, I'm running a cable for (Dickheads) computer."

Mr. Kenney: "But you're wearing a skirt!"

Me: "Yes, because it's the dress code"

Mr. Kenney: "Margaret!!" (Mr. Kenney's Assistant who is in the next cube)

Margaret: "Yes Mr. Kenney"

Mr. Kenney: "Stephanie no longer needs to abide by the dress code and call a meeting with HR."

Margaret: "Yes Mr. Kenney"

Me: Damn

............................

That is a true story, even if the names are not exactly right. Growing up in the 80s and 90 (well, I'm still growing up really.. hehe) I now realize how much my sex and my body played into my life experiences, for good and bad. All of my work life has been "a man's world" and I laughed, smiled and ignored what I could. The few times where it could not be ignored, I had men who stood up for me. Mr. Kenney in the example above, another boss (JJK) who I will always love and adore, stood for me in another instance years later. Today I find I have another great man also standing up for me in a situation I didn't even knew existed. Thank you, Kyle.

This recent situation took me by surprise and made me think I did something wrong. I know I didn't, not intentionally anyway (wait, that's the old mentality where I take responsibility for someone else's bullshit, oh fuck that old game. I'm done playing.), and others are going after the person who is causing the issue. Hopefully official action will take place but I'm flashing back to things I thought I "got over" years, if not decades ago. 

I am not a piece of meat, a set of (great) boobs or a person to objectify and make jokes about (no, I won't cry, no I won't cry, no I won't cry... fuck... rage tears). I am a strong, smart, sometimes funny, woman who only wants to help and make people smile. My skill set is computers so that enables me to engage with all kinds of people, whether I want to or not. Frankly the computers don't talk trash or give me shit and if they do, well, I know where the power plug is. 

It has also allowed me to meet tons of people. Very few make it into my personal life. Most stay in the work zone and get labeled (in my head) with a computer skill level and a personality compatibility gauge. There are a few good ones that I hope stay around.

All others can kiss my ass if they think I am just a piece of ass.

As for work, believe it or not, this is just a small part of the situation. A piece I didn't know even existed, so I apologize for my intense reaction, if that is an issue for anyone. ... well... honesty, that's your problem.